Sigh-lence

Silence.

Far from "bulla" ("boo ya"....spanish for noise).... The soft chirps of the birds on the path. The light sound of my feet as I run. Sometimes it is good that the batteries on my iPod die. Why do I always feel like I need to have music going? That was such a pleasant run.

The need for silence.

After a week of living with a wonderful family and their 4 young children, as well as a ministry opportunity of 2 guests they have with them, I relish more in the silent moments I've had here. (There aren't that many). But quietness is a good thing, even if for 5 minutes. (I've started rethinking how many kids I want.... or the distance between their ages).

Silence because of distance.

It is needed too. I am here, removed from so much back "home" (I still have a hard time answering people when they ask where home is...) Yet in these past 2 years, I think it has been a blessing for me to be removed from certain situations. (Especially since I've got plenty of my plate of drama here...I don't need too much more). I cherish my relationships, and so to be removed, or to have removed myself, I've had to set aside things that matter to me to pursue something that I've been called to. (hmmm... maybe my relationships have been a type of idol for me... I need to pray and ponder on that one a bit more).... Anyways, as time moved on in these years I realized that its not just that "I'm missing out on so much from back home", but also that those back home are missing out on so much that is going on here, my life. So many of my blessings here have been so rich and far from materialistic. I wish I could someday put into words what these years have meant to me here in Peru, that I could express with accuracy the depth of the experiences I've had, and I guess in some ways my heart breaks in that I know when I'm back "home" none of those closest to me will be able to truly understand, my stories will get old, and I fear that I'll be disappointed the day I realize it won't matter to most people anymore... they'll hear my stories with enthusiasm at first because they're interested and/or they love me, but with time........ (descresendo)......

Other chunks of silence has been good and healthy for me too right now. I hope its understood well that I needed this for my own heart to heal. Its never been in my mind a permanent situation, but it was/is something to prevent a torn heart with many questions or confusion on top of a healing heart. And I couldn't let myself hold on to some hope of which was offered. Too many questions are out there, and I couldn't pause that area of my life hoping for something upon my return. I had to press on ahead.. its not that there is a lack of a question mark of next year, there just is no anchor on the idea. I am really well (sometimes it surprises me, but I have to attribute that to the Lord). I don't ache. I even can talk to people about it and not feel a heavy heart. All of that doesn't mean I don't miss some things, but I am enjoying the time I've been given, and this, I believe, is another good reason to be removed from home. I'm here. Far away, for both our good right now. I am not bitter. I am not mad. I am not sad. There has been forgiveness made, and so there is no need to ask for such again. I hope and pray that the silence has been good for not only me. I hope the many thoughts and questions have been answered, or that the "bulla" has died down some. And if it is ever wondered how I am doing...Thanks for the compliment of the thought, and I am well.

Whether 5 minutes, or in a jog, or a few months without speaking to someone..... silence can be a good thing. It can be treasured. It can be a place of healing ~ be it a headache or a heartache. It always is a great place to meet with the Lord. Take a deep breath in and out..... a deep sigh.... and enjoy the silence.