Breath of Heaven

One of my other favorite Christmas songs, this one written from Mary's point of view. I've posted all the lyrics below, but one particular part of this song is one of my current prayers for myself:

".....But I offer all I am
For the mercy of your plan....."

How often do I long to see my plan take place? How much of my own energy do I put into offering all I am for what I want to see happen? Yet in the past, when I have offered myself to His plan, its always been for my best, and though some of those times have been hard, they were so full of blessings. To truly offer all I am, I need God's grace to help me out of myself. Just as this song shows Mary's need for His strength and His presence, I need that too!



All the lyrics:

Breath of Heaven
I have traveled many moonless nights,
Cold and weary with a babe inside,
And I wonder what I've done.
Holy father you have come,
And chosen me now to carry your son.

I am waiting in a silent prayer.
I am frightened by the load I bear.
In a world as cold as stone,
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now.
Be with me now.

Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.
Breath of heaven.

Do you wonder as you watch my face,
If a wiser one should have had my place,
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of your plan.
Help me be strong.
Help me be.
Help me.

Born to Die

I love the Christmas season, and especially Christmas music. This is one of my new favorites, just giving a little glimpse of Christ leaving His glory in heaven and arriving in a humble state.


Born to Die
by Bebo Norman

They never knew a dark night
always had the Son's light
on their face
Perfect in glory
Broken by the story
of untold grace...
come that day

Majesty had come down
Glory had succumed now
to flesh and bone
In the arms of a manger
In the hands of strangers
that could not know
Just who they hold

Chorus:
And the angels filled the sky
All of heaven wondered why
Why their King would choose to be
Be a baby born to die

And all fell silent
For the cry of an infant,
the voice of God
Was dividing history
For those with eyes to see,
the Son would shine
From earth that night

Chorus

Bridge:
To break the chains
Of guilt and sin
To find us here
To pull us in
So we can join in Heaven's song
And with one voice around the throne

Chorus:
All the Angels filled the sky
And I can't help but wonder why
Why the King would choose to be
Be a baby born for me
Be a baby born to die

Life is TOO Precious

I am at work right now. My thoughts are scattered, and I am typing this looking through teary eyes.

I just helped in a code.....and in the end a 5 year old boy passed away.

He wasn't my patient, but I just helped in documenting the code as it took place. The team fought, and fought hard for his life. When things were not improving mom and dad came in to be with him until the end. Mom was singing "it is well with my soul" and praying aloud for God's glory in this and for those of us in the room.

I held the tears back at this point. When I got back to my patients in "the cube" (babies whose parents can't stay with them)....I held one of my babies and rocked her as I cried. She slept while I rocked, but at one point she stretched her arm and her hand rested on my face. (I lost it again).

Life is too precious. We can't take it for granted.

Thanksgiving at Children's Hospital

Its my first stateside Thanksgiving in 4 years. Earlier in the week I was kinda bummed about that thought and that I wouldn't see any family today....maybe I have gotten used to the idea and don't have such a "woe is me attitude", or maybe the Lord did a work in my heart and changed my outlook. I am taking care of some babies right now that started off life with a rough go of it, healthwise and family wise. I found myself rocking 3 of them tonight, praying for them, knowing that their family wasn't going to see them on Thanksgiving, and being thankful for the opportunity to love them and care for them. I thought of the one little boy abandoned by both parents....My Father will never leave or forsake me. I thought of the other little boy whose mother died shortly after he was born....My Father sent His Son who died to give me life.

There is so much to be thankful for.

I have been studying Colossians, and I wrote a verse on an index card and have been carrying it around with me tonight. The card is quite bent now, but I read it when I get a chance.

"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these things put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him." Colossians 3:12-17

There is so much in those 5 verses that I need God's help with....but today I want to focus on the bold words, relishing in an amazing God who has given me way beyond what I deserve and blessed me in more ways than I could've asked or imagined. I find that in these rare times when I can sit and ponder what I can be thankful for, I am able to clothe myself better with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, patience, and forgiveness. It still isn't easy, but it helps get things in perspective. I should be more thankful more often.

A New Idol

It came to mind during the sermon on Sunday, a new idol I have been carrying around. Something that has been consuming my thoughts, something that I have even been praying about, and not that the "thing" is a bad thing, its actually a blessing....but have I been thinking about it, joking around about it, and letting it consume me too much. I hadn't really thought of it as an idol. But Sunday it dawned on me that it has been, and that my focus needs to be elseware in life..aka ON CHRIST. So, only by God's grace, definetly not in my own strength, can I step forward and leave this idol behind.

Fighting the Funk

I feel a funk coming on, and one part of me wants to fight it, the other part of me wants to wallow in it. Could it be because Thanksgiving is this week and its my first one in the states in 4 years, and I will not be spending it with family, rather working? Thats probably part of the funk, but the main reason would probably be that my times with the Lord lately are only to "tread water" spiritually. I tend to see my funks come in the times in my life when I am being legalistic about my me-and-God times, and really not going deep.

I want to wallow in this muck, feeling blah and not wanting to change my attitude. I want to withdraw, and this week may help that in that many of my friends are out of town. But really? What good does any of that do? How does that portray Christ?

So I must REPENT, BELIEVE, and FIGHT. I am trying to fight off this funk. I am trying to call myself into check. And I am probably putting on a mask with a smile on it in the process.

Main ingredient: Love

My ingredient: Frustration

My dearest friends in Peru always say when they share a meal with others that the main ingredient that is put into the meal is love. 

I served a different type of Peruvian meal tonight.... pouring in 50% love and 50% frustration. 

I truly do enjoy cooking, especially for others, and I really love sharing things from Peru with others...so a few weeks ago, I signed up to bring dinner for life group, with the intention of making a Peruvian meal. All the ingredients in Peruvian meals are fresh, you make everything from scratch, which is more delicious, but more work. (I think the next time I sign up I'm bringing Stouffer's). 

It was our last life group meeting, and 2 life groups were coming together. I overestimated 40 people, preferring to bring too much than not enough,  and not knowing who all was out of town. Anyways, so Friday I got all the ingredients (excluding one that I had frozen from Peru), and should have budgetted better.

So Saturday I started prepping stuff... I made the dessert, and got other things prepared that would help things go faster today. My roommate helped me out some too.

So Sunday, after meeting with my small group of girls, I rushed home to get things moving, only having a little over 4 hours to have everything ready. Enough time, right? I began cooking the chicken, then my roommate came home and I was able to delegate some important chopping. Things were moving, but there was still a lot to be done. One friend came over to fix our outside porch light, and ended up helping us more, another friend dropped by for a little as well to help. All looked well, it seemed like we were going to get it all done and make it in time for life group. I was hoping to make it there with everything ready, so I could also sit in and participate in the meeting. It was going well until the pot with the rice, a very essential part of this "chicken with rice" meal started to let out a thick white smoke. Long story short, 3 pounds of half-way cooked rice with peas, carrots, and red peppers (previously chopped) along with the green mixture of cilantro, spinach, beer, and garlic (that was simmering in the rice) was ALL RUINED!!! We still had another pound of rice cooking in another pot, but that wasn't going to feed everyone! 

We got everything else ready to go, my roommate ran to the store, and picked up some essential items to remake some rice at the Branch's (where we meet for lifegroup). I took a look at the other pot of rice that I had cooking. Pot #2 ALL RUINED!!!!!  I rushed on over to lifegroupt to get started. The second batch of the rice, that we'd end up eating was not what it should have been, but there was no more time to make it right, only time to make it, a small taste of what it could be.

The positive: no one there had eaten this Peruvian dish, they wouldn't know differently.

The negative: I would

I was very frustrated.... several times I had to hold back the tears. On my way over to the Branch's, I thought about what God could be teaching me. Probably not to be so perfectionistic, also to remind me I wasn't in control, and probably another lesson of letting things go. 

Oh if only I had. Not only were Pots# 1 & 2 ruined, but so was my mood and mindset for the rest of the night. I have felt a funk coming on anyways, this just helped it spiral on down. I stayed late and attempted being social, but was so brainblocked by the 2 long days spent in the kitchen on a meal that came out to me only half what it could've been. 

As I cleaned the monstrous mess in the kitchen when I got back home, I thought of how the rice parallels creation. In the first pots were the ingredients for the right recipe, then it became ruined, and the following pot of rice served was only a taste, a glimpse of something that resembled what it should be like. The beauty that we do have here on earth is only a glimpse of something that resembles the new creation, what awaits us in eternity. (where rice is NEVER ruined!)  ;-) 

Daylight Savings... and other pros and cons with nightshift

For a while now I have thought about posting some pros and cons about working night shift. Right now I am at work, and we have just observed Daylight Savings time, and I get to work one extra hour tonight. I hadn't really thought about that in working nights, but at least I get one hour extra of pay (which will happen to be time and a half) and if things get busy I will have one extra hour to get things done. (I am trying to think positively because I really don't want to be here right now!)

Here are some other pros and cons to working nights (with some help from the girls I work with):

Pros....
-Being able to go to church every week (here at my job we have to work every other weekend)
-Higher pay
-Going to Wal-mart after getting off work in the morning: easy parking, short lines
-When I leave work in the morning and the sun is rising, I've already put my full day's work in.
- Opposite traffic flow when I get off.
-Getting off in the morning with a fresh feeling from the morning air.
-When I work holidays, I don't miss out on the daytime holiday activities
-The amazing girls that I work with and the teamwork that we have!!
- Not having to put up with A LOT of people throughout the day
- Being able to blog at night when the night is slower. ;-), and read other blogs
- Having appointments that I don't have to miss work for

Cons....
-When we have to wake patients up
-Sleep schedule
-Construction behind my house while I am sleeping throughout the day
-Daylight Savings
-People not understanding we sleep during the day....they aren't naps...OR they are amazed that we are still functioning well later on after our shift (when it may only be "eveningtime" in my sleep schedule)


..... I will note though, if it weren't for my schedule being 7on 7off (working 7days getting off 7 days) I probably wouldn't work nights....but this allows me to be "normal" during my off week.

November 4

Election Day is around the corner, and well, honestly I am not one who jumps into politics nor do I keep up with things there well, but I have done a bit more this time around to make a more informed decision.

This election reminds me of the election in Peru a few years ago between Ollanta Humala and Alan Garcia. The first who is "chummy" with Chavez and comes from a terrorist background to the second who destroyed Peru's economy when he was president in the 80s. Many Peruvians shared with me that their choice was like choosing between AIDS or cancer...voting for the lesser of 2 evils.

Is there a need for change? Yes. But the only One who can bring real change is Christ, not one man. And even there were a "lesser of 2 evils" and I were to vote for him, the other candidate may win. Regardless who takes the role of our president, the man needs our prayers; God in His sovereignty has ordained who will take that roll (not that I shouldn't vote); and even if I am unhappy with the results, Nebuchadnezzar ruled Babylon, though "evil", God allowed it, and God humbled him too.

No matter who wins on November 4, Obama or McCain, only Christ can change this country, the war, the economy...~> US.

Trusting Him for Them

As much as I would love to come to the rescue, I can only do so much, and that little bit that I can do seems so small for the burden I have for them. I have given and want to do more, but to what point? How much is enough..is there a "too much"? What is He trying to teach them, and would I be a hinderance to that if I took up my hypothetical cape and flew to the rescue. They are His. He is their Father who will provide for their needs. He doesn't need my cape, He already has them tucked under His wings.

Maybe He does want to use me, maybe He does want me to be closer to help, maybe He wants me to stay here and help from afar.

The tendency of my heart is to jump in and help, but how much of that is my desire to serve and my love for them vs. my issue with loss of control?

Even if I weren't able to help out in any way at all.... They still are His.

Maybe He just wants me to trust Him for them.