Pseudocrush(es)

So it took me long enough in life to realize, but I have begun to think as a female that it is almost pointless to have a crush on a guy....or at least the female writing this blog. It just gives birth to something that grows and often comes to no fruition. I mean, what happens when you have a crush (or more so when I have a crush). I think about the person, I want to be around that person, feelings grow for that person. But nothing comes of it, I get hurt or disappointed unnecessarily. And more than likely I screw up what could have been a good friendship.

Yes there are some small things I could do to make the possibility of something happen or put myself out there, but being that it is not my place to pursue, even getting myself out there in the end doesn't matter if he isn't interested. So why should I crush on a guy that more often than not is not crushing on me, because really in the end it will be him asking me out and not me asking him out.

Also when I crush on a guy, I often become even more self-conscious and freeze or clam up or beat myself up for any interaction I later declare as stupid on my part. If I don't crush on him, that (hopefully) allows me to be free to be me, and I won't care as much if I say something stupid in our interactions.

So I recently started calling potential crushes "psuedocrushes" on guys that I could like, but am not allowing myself to at this time. I do want to be friends with them, and get to know them as my brothers-in-Christ, and one thing that helps if I start thinking of one of them more often is to pray for him and his future wife. This helps me to honor him in my thoughts. I am curious to see how this battle against the crushes will go. With God's grace and strength alone, hopefully well!