So I am once again keeping myself up as long as possible because I need to sleep all day today for night shift. I am officially off orientation at work, and now onto my first 7-on rotation. (Can I tell you how eager I am to get my first 7 off). Its funny how many plans I have already made for myself for my weeks off, but I am realizing now in my delirium that I have already shared that on here. Its funny how whenever I talk to someone about working night shift, people think I am crazy (I am already convinced that I am anyways), but really I think I am going to enjoy it. I will be able to go to church each week, I am single, so there is no one for me to come home to, it pays more, and on my 7 off I can be normal and hang out...but really on my work week because of the hours, I have been able to meet up with people for breakfast, early lunches, or dinner depending on the day. That's not bad! I love my job, and the girls I work with are great...but I have found a bit of joy in working nights at Children's. I like giving the parents a chance to rest, and the kids a chance to rest and me quietly doing my job or checking in on them so that their worn out bodies can recuperate. However, there have been a few nights that I found myself a bit bored. I may get more reading in than I thought I would!
My roommate and I came to a fun conclusion tonight... we had a progressional dinner with our singles group, and it was really fun! I have enjoyed plugging back in since I have been back, and it has been fun making new friends, and taking old friendships even deeper. Anyhow, like with any singles group in a church the ratio is more favorable for the guys, and tonight was no exception. It is always a good place though to be reminded to trust and wait on the Lord. So anyways, my roommate and I decided to have our own date nights every other week, and just go out-the two of us, not in search of anyone, but to have fun.
A few months ago at the singles retreat, a question was posed of why, if there were so many beautiful godly girls in the group, were the guys not asking them out.... so then an interesting discussion came about. I have often thought that it would be easier to be the guy, and though risking being turned down, still having the first step in pursuit. To me, it seems easier to have that role, than the one having to wait and trust in the Lord in His timing. Now its not that guys don't have to do that, their role just calls for the initiative. I know as a girl I have my own role in my interactions, but somehow in my general niceness I attract those I don't want to attract, and those who I do want to seem blind to my extra niceness. (Granted this is speaking over the course of several years.... a new trial period lies ahead!) Anyways, recently I went to a wedding and could bring a date....so I was placed in their shoes of risking, getting myself out there, and well in the end, I went alone. The thing was, the wedding was 2 hours away, I only knew the bride, her mom, and sister, and would drive back another 2 hours. Having company would have been nice, but I didn't want to ask just anyone. That amount of time in a car with the wrong person could have been worse than going by oneself. I wanted someone who we could carry on conversations with ease, and someone who wouldn't read into my asking them, and who I could be myself with. I am still getting to know the guys in the single's group, and only 2 came to mind in the "safe" category for me, hopefully that will change as I get to know them more. One couldn't that day, and as I building up the nerve to call the other, I found out he was going to be out of town. Anyways, that was a tangant all to end at the point of I still am leaning towards the end that guys have it easier. (anyone is welcome to comment and state their view if they want).
Along those lines though, I think back to that question posed at the singles retreat. So what if there are beautiful godly girls in the singles group.... maybe none of us strikes the fancy of the guys in the group. Is their only pool limited to us? No. I mean, I don't necesarily want to date all the guys in the group, and they should have the same freedom to not want to ask the girls out from this selection. And it should be a safe ground too, for friendships to be formed, and "getting to know your brother/sister's hearts", as was mentioned at the retreat. I am reading "A Scandalous Freedom" by Steve Brown right now, so I am pumped about all of the freedom in Christ, and that also relates to the dating scene! Heck! This freedom sounds great....I know I have made a fool out of myself before around a guy I like, and then overanalize my actions (which typically includes me moping or beating myself up about it). I have also built up my own protective walls (trying to) let someone get only so close, or I fear that I am attracting someone I am not interested in and fear either not being able to be free and say no, or hurting them or having them feel rejected because of my different tastes. Anyways, in these situations I have never allowed myself to be me and to be free. So what if I make a fool out of myself and someone thinks I am crazy (I have already been convinced that I am). So what if the guy I have had a crush on never notices me, I can be free not to be chained by a heavy false hope and enjoy the company when it is had, but enjoy the rest of life not bound to that. Freedom in Christ...in so many ways. Oh if only I would apply it!
.....it seems some of my blog ideas came to mind as I typed, but now my eyes aren't staying open, so I am going to catch a little shut eye before I get back up to work out. Thanks for humoring me by reading my ramblings...hopefully reading it didn't put you to sleep like typing it did for me!! But I am FREE to fall asleep while typing my blogs!! (And you are FREE to fall asleep while reading them!!)
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