In Comparison

So there I was, at the gym (I just joined last week...so much fun!!!) and I was on one of the elipticals jamming out to one of my mixes on my iPod, and where some of the cardio equipment is located, you can look out below on the strength training equipment and weights are. I am not as in shape as I want to be...its not horrible, but I have been better toned.... but couldn't help but notice all those around me who are in way better shape than me, and then insecurities kick in and with that of course comparisons.

So I start thinking about myself, comparing myself with those around me, and wishing I looked more like them or whatnot. That started a trail of thoughts where I wondered what other areas of my life I compare myself to others, and where my insecurities are. The list got longer.

At my job, I do try to work hard, learn more, and perform adequately, yet as a new employee and a new pediatric nurse I find myself also comparing myself with my coworkers...not so much in a "I-want-to-be-better-than-them" sort of way, but in a "I-want-to-know-what-they-know" way.

In comparison to those I esteem in their walk with the Lord..."I want to be more diligent or disciplined like ___ "

Even though I am fighting the materialism in my nature, my very economical and helping-me-greatly-financially mode of transportation seems so dinky in comparison...but I don't need that right now!

So I continued on the eliptical wondering about how much of my daily thought life is built up of my comparisons and insecurities, and I am sure it takes up a majority of my thoughts that I am not aware of. And the truth is, probably most of the people I was comparing myself with that day at the gym (and every day since) are probably just as insecure or comparing themselves to others as well, and probably my coworkers, the people in the nicer cars than mine, etc...I know I am not the only one who does this, because we all are messed up. As my pastor often says, "Cheer up! You are a lot worse than you think you are!" I need to learn more about falling at the foot of the cross, and seeing myself only before Christ, not comparing myself to the fallen around me, who are just as I am. There is only One who gives me security, only One in Whom I can boast, and only He can save me from my constant self-centered thoughts. I am learning more and more about His grace, and LOVE the truth that His grace was not only for our salvation, but for every aspect of our lives.