Be Addicted to Him

I recently had to get some files recovered from an external harddrive which was failing. I thought I'd lost close to 100gb of videos, pictures, documents and other important items to me, mainly from my years in Peru. A genius friend of mine was able to get most of the files back for me, and I was just sorting through them. In a folder I'd placed somewhere hard to get to, were some memories from a serious relationship in my past. I laughed when I saw it and decided it was ok to delete those memories. However in that folder was a small document he had challenged me to write, and I thought I'd save that one from the trash bin. My own words from my past encouraged me, so I thought I'd post it here. So here is "Be Addicted to Him".

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I was raised in the church, as a PK (preacher's kid) of all things. But it wasn’t until I was 22 when I went on my first mission trip. For those who have been on a mission trip before to a 3^rd world country, close your eyes with me and relive the memories. For those who haven’t, close your eyes, and take a trip with me to a 3^rd world country. For my experience, we’ll go to Lima, Peru. You look around with me and see a city, smoggy, like many large cities, grey and overcast due to its climate, and located in a dusty, dirty desert. Take a deep breath with me, and you will smell trash of all kinds; human and animal waste, fresh and old; exhaust from old wearing down cars, trucks, and buses. If you were to take a Kleenex with me right now, and wipe slightly the inside of your nose, you’d be discusted to see a black film on the tissue. Now I challenge you to open your heart with me. See the old man begging on the street with his trembling hand. See the impoverished little Indian woman in rags selling her handmade goods. See the little child on the street selling candy midday to help his family buy bread instead of going to school. Open your heart a bit more with me. Most of these people do not know about our Savior, and believe in the traditional praying to their saints (who I can guarantee don’t answer their petitions) and doing good works in order to get to heaven. If they continue with those beliefs, where are they going?

I have now been on the mission field for over a year. I have learned so much, yet not enough. Without Christ, I am just as lost as the drunk man on the sidewalk, or the man down my street stoned and shouting as he paces by my house. God has shown me His intense faithfulness in my time here. I get overwhelmed, if not on a daily basis, a weekly basis, by the extreme need that surrounds me. I am unable to meet all the needs. I am unable to sit down and talk to the 9 million people that live in the Lima area, to share with them of my faithful Lord. He doesn’t ask that much of me, and only gives me what I can handle. The mission field has brought out much more of my sin, some which is culturally innate, that I brought with me from the good US of A, and I’ve had to work through my ideas differently than I would back home. Yet, if I am a Christian, where is “home”? It isn’t in the USA, its in heaven, and when I suffer from homesickness here, it usually is more longing for my true home. Life is not as comfortable here, as it might be back in the States, but as a Christian, we are not called to live in comfort. We are, however called to know Him and to make Him known. How much do you know Him? How much have you made Him known?

Follow God to places out of your comfort zone, whether a mission trip, the mission field, sharing the gospel with your coworker, helping in the nursery, or whatever, and do it in His grace. I can’t even begin to tell you how faithful He is and how much His grace and peace will surround you if you let Him take you to those “uncomfort” zones. And how you will be blessed! Trust me, “once you pop” of His faithfulness, “you can’t stop!” One taste of His faithfulness and grace in situations unfamiliar, you will be addicted. Of all addictions, His unending grace, His unconditional love, and His unmatchable faithfulness, and all other characteristics that make up our Lord, He is the best addiction! Long for Him. Ache for Him to fill you. Be addicted to Him!

Broken

“Every difficult relationship is ordained by God to expose our need for Christ. We must be more broken about our sin than frustrated by others.”

Dr. Bob Flayhart, pastor Oak Mountain Presbyterian

About a month ago I prayed that the Lord would expose more of my sin to me. I know that is a prayer that will result in some uneasy times, but I was tired of coasting through some of my life this year acknowledging general sin, but not specific sin. A situation arose a few weeks ago at work with a coworker that frustrated me greatly, and while it frustrated me pretty much the entire week, it also revealed my pride and critical self. So then I had two things weighing on me: My great frustration with my coworker that was impossible to ignore and would render a huge defensive attack if mentioned, and seeing my nasty ugly sin in the whole situation. What an answer to prayer!!! =)

Hey…. I got what I asked for didn’t I?

That week the situation came to a confrontation of sorts on no less than Sunday morning. I was already broken, praying and working on my heart and attitude from the whole week. After confronting her after she snapped at me, I knew I needed to get out of the environment, after doing what I could to “stay at peace”. The whole drive home and to church I listened to Laura Story, and repeated “Make Something Beautiful” and “There is Nothing” which I greatly needed for confession and preparing to worship.

Here are a few of the lyrics from There is Nothing:

Lord I come before You,
To honor and adore You,


For who You are and all that You have done, 


Lord I am not worthy,
My heart is dark and dirty


Still somehow You bid for me to come

So clothe me in humility, 
Remind me, that I come before a King

And there is nothing,
There is nothing,
More precious, more worthy,


May I gaze deeper, 
May I stand longer


May I press onward to know You Lord


So I go to church that morning, broken of myself, which is a bittersweet thing, and come to find that the sermon that day was about work…from good work ethics to coworkers. It was what I had been preaching to myself already that week and being broken of, but was good for me to not preach it to myself, but to hear it instead.

The chorus from another Laura Story song, Make Something Beautful became my prayer:

Take all of my life, all of my life,
And make something beautiful.


I open my hand, trusting Your plan.
Make something beautiful

so all will see
Your work in me, as You make something beautiful

HIS WORK IN ME.....its nothing of myself. I can't change myself. I can be motivated, but when it comes down to it I can't throw off my sinful self. All I can do is run to Him. Because of Christ, He turns these dirty nasty ugly rags of my life and cleans them. What great hope that is!

And even now, a few weeks later, I have even more exposed sin in my life, but I can only hope in Him to change me and to make something beautiful!

A Broken Label

Indications: Take the following if you need to be exposed to more of your sin and be broken of yourself.

Warning: Praying to be broken and have more unnoticed sin in your life be exposed leads to seeing yourself not “not as bad as you thought” rather A LOT WORSE than you thought you were.

Contraindications: Do not pray this if you don’t really want to be changed by the God or have legalistic mindset thinking you alone can work your way out of your sin problem or go through a check-list to be “better”.

Directions: Pray to see more of your sin. Let God show you your sin. Do not be despaired and weighed down with the sin that the Lord shows you, rather realize that you can only be changed by Him, and that He who began a good work in you will carry it onto completion (Phil 1:6).

Lessons from Blackout Curtains: #2

What is the point of blackout curtains? "Obvious", you say, "to block out the light." I was thinking the other day, in light of a few dark weeks I've had (ha... I just noticed what I wrote!)...that in life a lot of times when things are "dark" I don't want to let the Light of the world in. Now in my room, even if I close the curtains and my world is dark, that doesn't mean that the light isn't on the other side of the curtains. The light still exists, even if it goes unacknowledged by me. And truthfully, with the style of curtains I hung in my room, some light does get in around the edges, so really, I can't get away from it. So goes the same in my life spiritually...

When I want to pull away, draw the curtains to close all around me, the Light still is there, whether I acknowledge Him or not. He is still pouring His light into my world around the edges of my blackout curtains, when I selfishly block Him and other lights out, retreating to my cave. And to what good?

The thing with working nights is that I am awake during the darkest hours, and asleep during the brightest hours. I might see light for a couple hours if I am lucky. But how much more grateful I am on my 7 off where I can spend a lot of time out in the light, and I don't take it as much for granted. Its that much more special to me. That relates too with my recent low and "dark" days.... I am so much more grateful for the Light, even when I tried to block Him out, and am trying not to take Him for granted. He's that much more special to me, after brightening my dark days.

Lessons From Blackout Curtains: #1

Since I work on the night shift during my work week, I have been planning for a while to make some blackout curtains to make sleeping during the day easier. (Now if I could just organize that better with the construction crews behind my house.) So in December when I was visiting my fam in St. Louis, I mentioned my desire and vision for my curtains to my sister-in-law, who is a creative genius. We went fabric shopping and I found the perfect color fabric and black-out material to go with it. Though it totaled to be more than I was expecting, buying it was good for me because if I invest in a project, I am more likely to follow-through with it. Several weeks went by...holidays, a trip to Peru, and a few other miscellaneous issues.... and finally a few weeks ago, I took out time for my project.

Let me preface the part of the story where I sewed. The last time I sat in front of a sewing machine was about 13-14 years ago, the year after I took home ec (now called "Family and Consumer Sciences" I believe), so my sewing skills were rusty to say the least. I faced many challenges....and with those, I ended up calling everyone I knew who sewed, even posting on my facebook wall that I needed help. Many were able to talk over the phone, but not being there over my shoulder to walk me through and troubleshoot the machine, it still was a frustrating task. I even consulted YouTube, which helped some, but by the end of the night, when I thought I had it all set-up right, I sewed a few inches and SNAP! The needle broke. The only sewing needle I had.

The next day I got new needles and attempted to conquer this machine again. I found the instruction manual, and within a few minutes, I was sewing. There is a manual for many good reasons! It was so much easier than the night before when a few choice words I spoke out of frustration echoed in my house.

I sewed away, and the hems of these curtains are not even, the lines are not straight, and though I wasn't being a perfectionist with this project, I was still excited and proud of my creation. As I was sewing and thinking about all the frustrations I had, and how imperfect the hems were being sewn, I couldn't help but think of my favorite Psalm, and these verses came to mind:

Psalm 139

5-You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.

13-For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14- I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

15-My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16a-your eyes saw my unformed body.

It made me think of myself as God's creation, and how He was not frustrated like I was. He didn't break any sewing needles, nor did He need to call anyone for help or consult any manuals. And even if a few hems of me were off and uneven, I am just as He wanted me to be, He is still proud of me and excited about me because I am HIS! I am His creation and He delights in me. As I see my curtains hanging now, it seems like they were always there, they just fit in well in my room, they belong there. He has me here, now where He wants me, where I belong.