Blah-g

So here comes a bit more of my vulnerability..... I've had a rough month +/- of discontentment. Overall in my single life I have been content in where God has had me and not felt pressured to be pursued or overwhelmed with discontentment. I don't write this for encouragement or a shoulder squeeze, moreso for liberation of carrying this around with me. It is a bit late in getting it out of my heart and into words on here, and as I type I know that the weight is not nearly as heavy as it was.

I don't know why the discontentment hit so hard this time around, other than to think it was an attack from the enemy to distract me in the current focus I have. I believe it was from the enemy because of the direct arrows aimed right where my heart was struggling.

For whatever reason, I was feeling forgotten by God when it comes to the "bliss" that most people have in sharing life with a companion. I know that I am not forgotten by Him and that He has an awesome plan for me be it with a male companion or not, (I already have the best Spiritual Companion) but for some refining purpose I was put in that trial, and while my mind knows better, my heart was harder to convince. I believe the enemy knew that, for as I struggled his little *annoying* voice kept telling me, "You feel forgotten by God because you are forgotten by God." I am grateful for the discernment that the Holy Spirit gives that I knew right away that the father of lies was feeding me some of his whoppers. He just wouldn't relent for a while, and he made it seem like a clock was ticking in my ear of the time passing on without said "bliss".

I am glad for where I stand in Christ, and how I can trust in the sovereignty of God and His hand in my life. It strikes me as intriguing that this trial came at a time in my life when, even as I was presented with an interest outlet of sorts, and knowing that I am not quite ready for that road again..... why, in a time of only needing friendship and acknowledging that, was I so overwhelmed by discontentment?? I wonder too if its part of the lies the enemy feeds missionaries that we are missing out on stuff from back home, and as I am "missing out" on friends' weddings, engagements, having babies, etc, he thought he'd wedge his foot into my life a bit and throw some darts.

When I don't listen to his "Woe to you" darts that fly past my ear, I can see so many beautiful reasons why my perfect God who has NOT forgotten me has had me single thus far, and I am so grateful for how He's written things in my life that I'd never dreamed of... stuff in the "more than I could ask or imagine" department. He's really cool like that!! In looking in this past year alone and the challenge upon challenge He has permitted, I can see amazing ways He's worked, and amazing ways He has changed me for the good.

Ok.... so there it is! *sigh* I am so glad He's carrying me out of that valley!