Excited to be coming home
Excited to be here
Sad to leave this behind
Scared to go back
Many sweet memories and treasured moments are often remembered.
Everyday is sweeter and not as mundane
The things that annoy me, now strike me as things I'll miss
Those that are so dear to me, I already cry for the loss
How great it would be to have the best of both worlds.
Yet on the other side of the world,
How much of it is my mind's curiosity or the pull of my heart towards something once treasured? That I wonder of their well-being.
or maybe because I wasn't the only one left with questions,
or am I now forgetting the hard times?
I am confused for still caring,
And moving forward is in reality different than moving on.
I suppose it is ok to think about something once invested in,
but to not let it consume you.
I wish it were as easy to forget than be forgotten, or to leave than be left.
All I know is that the best replacement for all these thoughts are prayers....
So if anyone's ears are burning out there, it may just be
because I am talking about you to Him......
and truly wishing good things for you.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Blah-g
So here comes a bit more of my vulnerability..... I've had a rough month +/- of discontentment. Overall in my single life I have been content in where God has had me and not felt pressured to be pursued or overwhelmed with discontentment. I don't write this for encouragement or a shoulder squeeze, moreso for liberation of carrying this around with me. It is a bit late in getting it out of my heart and into words on here, and as I type I know that the weight is not nearly as heavy as it was.
I don't know why the discontentment hit so hard this time around, other than to think it was an attack from the enemy to distract me in the current focus I have. I believe it was from the enemy because of the direct arrows aimed right where my heart was struggling.
For whatever reason, I was feeling forgotten by God when it comes to the "bliss" that most people have in sharing life with a companion. I know that I am not forgotten by Him and that He has an awesome plan for me be it with a male companion or not, (I already have the best Spiritual Companion) but for some refining purpose I was put in that trial, and while my mind knows better, my heart was harder to convince. I believe the enemy knew that, for as I struggled his little *annoying* voice kept telling me, "You feel forgotten by God because you are forgotten by God." I am grateful for the discernment that the Holy Spirit gives that I knew right away that the father of lies was feeding me some of his whoppers. He just wouldn't relent for a while, and he made it seem like a clock was ticking in my ear of the time passing on without said "bliss".
I am glad for where I stand in Christ, and how I can trust in the sovereignty of God and His hand in my life. It strikes me as intriguing that this trial came at a time in my life when, even as I was presented with an interest outlet of sorts, and knowing that I am not quite ready for that road again..... why, in a time of only needing friendship and acknowledging that, was I so overwhelmed by discontentment?? I wonder too if its part of the lies the enemy feeds missionaries that we are missing out on stuff from back home, and as I am "missing out" on friends' weddings, engagements, having babies, etc, he thought he'd wedge his foot into my life a bit and throw some darts.
When I don't listen to his "Woe to you" darts that fly past my ear, I can see so many beautiful reasons why my perfect God who has NOT forgotten me has had me single thus far, and I am so grateful for how He's written things in my life that I'd never dreamed of... stuff in the "more than I could ask or imagine" department. He's really cool like that!! In looking in this past year alone and the challenge upon challenge He has permitted, I can see amazing ways He's worked, and amazing ways He has changed me for the good.
Ok.... so there it is! *sigh* I am so glad He's carrying me out of that valley!
I don't know why the discontentment hit so hard this time around, other than to think it was an attack from the enemy to distract me in the current focus I have. I believe it was from the enemy because of the direct arrows aimed right where my heart was struggling.
For whatever reason, I was feeling forgotten by God when it comes to the "bliss" that most people have in sharing life with a companion. I know that I am not forgotten by Him and that He has an awesome plan for me be it with a male companion or not, (I already have the best Spiritual Companion) but for some refining purpose I was put in that trial, and while my mind knows better, my heart was harder to convince. I believe the enemy knew that, for as I struggled his little *annoying* voice kept telling me, "You feel forgotten by God because you are forgotten by God." I am grateful for the discernment that the Holy Spirit gives that I knew right away that the father of lies was feeding me some of his whoppers. He just wouldn't relent for a while, and he made it seem like a clock was ticking in my ear of the time passing on without said "bliss".
I am glad for where I stand in Christ, and how I can trust in the sovereignty of God and His hand in my life. It strikes me as intriguing that this trial came at a time in my life when, even as I was presented with an interest outlet of sorts, and knowing that I am not quite ready for that road again..... why, in a time of only needing friendship and acknowledging that, was I so overwhelmed by discontentment?? I wonder too if its part of the lies the enemy feeds missionaries that we are missing out on stuff from back home, and as I am "missing out" on friends' weddings, engagements, having babies, etc, he thought he'd wedge his foot into my life a bit and throw some darts.
When I don't listen to his "Woe to you" darts that fly past my ear, I can see so many beautiful reasons why my perfect God who has NOT forgotten me has had me single thus far, and I am so grateful for how He's written things in my life that I'd never dreamed of... stuff in the "more than I could ask or imagine" department. He's really cool like that!! In looking in this past year alone and the challenge upon challenge He has permitted, I can see amazing ways He's worked, and amazing ways He has changed me for the good.
Ok.... so there it is! *sigh* I am so glad He's carrying me out of that valley!
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