Be Thou My Vision

Before I left Peru, many of my friends down there were asking me what I was thinking and how I was feeling about leaving. I was often asked if it was easier or harder. For me I answered that it was harder to leave. Maybe that was because being that I was from the States, I knew 2 1/2 years ago that when I left, I would have to come back..... and this time in leaving a country, as much as I want to and plan to come back, anything can happen, and it isn't as definte as my coming back stateside.

But what I thought was more the case was not having a "vision". When I left the States I had a vision of what I would be doing in Peru and it was something to be excited about, but as I was leaving Peru, I didn't have a "vision" to be excited about. So that is what I began to tell people....

....So, before my last Sunday, Michael Salvatierra (another missionary who is there with his family) and I were going to practice for an instrumental special for my last church service. We hadn't picked out anything at that point, and he asked me what I wanted to play. (Me on my flute, and him on his guitar). I suggested a hymn, and the first one that came to mind was "Be Thou My Vision". So we began to play. As we were playing, I was saying the words in my head, and the Holy Spirit convicted me, and clearly God spoke to my heart saying, "You don't need a specific 'vision' upon your return, but let ME be your 'vision'. " I shared that on that Sunday before we played the duet.

Because of that, it was a nice reminder that it is ok not to know what is coming next, and that I don't need a "vision" if the Lord of all types of visions is my vision!

Expecting to not be Understood

I am back. 

Back in the States, after 2 years 6 months and 29 days of living in Peru, speaking Spanish on a daily if not hourly basis, adapting to a different, yet beautiful culture, investing into other lives, and being invested in as well. 

My life has changed. I see life differently than I did before. I have a bajillion stories. I have seen God's hand move and work in amazing ways. And now I am back to what has been in the past and could be once again....mundane. 

My values have changed, in that the priorities I have in life I want to act out more that they are priorities than I want to talk about them. I feel that so often we talk about what really matters to us, but in the end, the actions show that WE really matter to us.  We say the common answer of God, family, friends.... etc. But so often our busy-ness defines us and the order is reversed to be us, family, friends, and God.... 

I am not expecting to be understood during this period of transition.... in fact, I am sure I won't understand everything that I think or feel as I readapt either, and that is ok. What I know, is that I have an awesome God who lead me to Peru, who holds my heart, who understands me and will lead me in these days.  Its ok if I am not understood... and its ok if I don't understand either.